ABBOTT: Computer Support Group. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I’m setting up a home office in the den, and I’m thinking of buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name is Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name is Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Does it get stuffy?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don’t know. What do I see when I look out the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software that runs on Windows?

COSTELLO: No, on the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business. What have you got?
ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: Okay, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office.
ABBOTT: Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office and it already has windows! Let’s say I’m sitting at my computer, and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: If I’m writing a proposal, I’m going to need lots of words. But what program do I load?
ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in “office for windows?”
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue W.

COSTELLO: I’m going to click your big W if you don’t give me a straight answer. Let’s forget about words for a minute. What do I need if I want to watch a movie over the Internet?
ABBOTT: RealOne.

COSTELLO: Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. But what do I need to watch it?
ABBOTT: RealOne.

COSTELLO: If it’s a long movie I’ll also want to watch reels two, three and four. Can I watch reel four?
ABBOTT: Of course.

COSTELLO: Great! With what?
ABBOTT: RealOne.

COSTELLO: Okay, so I’m sitting at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue 1.

COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue 1.

COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W?
ABBOTT: Of course it is. The blue 1 is RealOne. The blue W is Word.

COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: But there’s three words in “office for windows!”
ABBOTT: No, just one. But it’s the most popular Word in the world.

COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes, although to be fair there aren’t many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words.

COSTELLO: And that word is the real one?
ABBOTT: No. RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn’t even part of Office.

COSTELLO: Never mind; I don’t want to get started with that again. But I also need something for bank accounts, loans, and so on. What do you have to help me track my money?
ABBOTT: Money.

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